{longdream} keep awake

[dawn]

YOU CAN CALM ME DOWN I CAN'T SAY WHY

Dreamstar. Finally, she was the leader. She had earned her nine lives. It was bittersweet, confusing, surprising. The silver cat felt a little disoriented. It seemed like it had only been yesterday that the handsome black leader had lost his last life. She still couldn't believe that Voidstar was gone. She'd never really thought that death could ever be strong enough to take him away from his clan. But it had been.


Now, she felt as old as the hollow tree that Tempestclan made its camp in, and half as empty. So many lives to live, so many lives to give to her clan. Though she had been a senior warrior when she was Dreamfeather, the deputy, now she felt the life and strength of many in her grasp. She had power given to her by the strange silvery cats whose voices guided the actions of the clans, and it was strange, because she'd never had much faith in Starclan. Yet here she was- with many, many moons ahead of her. Nine lives, given to her to help Tempestclan. She would spend every life given to her in the service to her clan. 

Tempestclan wasn't the only thing that mattered to her now. There was one other bit of business to take care of. It might have seemed strange, to take a mate so soon after the death of another former lover... Voidstar. But that was just the way of it with the warriors, particularly her warriors. Life was too short, and she knew it. It was time to unravel the mess that she and Longshadow were in. 

With the tom-cat in mind, she began her search for his black as night pelt. It was growing later in the evening, but not quite nighttime- many warriors lingered about the camp, while most of the younger cats had gone to sleep in preparation for training at dawn. Dreamstar figured she would find Longshadow in his den, since she didn't spot him immediately about the big hollow tree. It was too early yet for his wanderings. 

The cats made their dens more or less individually about the hollows in the big tree, and Dreamstar was uncomfortably familiar with the particular den occupied by Longshadow. She scented her quarry nearby, and dug her claws into the bark, making her way up to the opening in the trunk where she knew she'd find him. The den seemed much cozier than her own big, empty den, still filled with the scent of Voidstar. 


Careful to keep her voice guarded, Dreamstar meowed to the darkness in the hollow, "Longshadow?" When silence followed her query, she said a little more quietly, "I was hoping we could take a walk."

words 452 tagged longshadow only notes hope the way i set this up is okay with you c: listening to 1000 julys (third eye blind)

[aero]

What was death, really? Could the death of a star be compared to the death of a feeling? Was "The End" just what it seemed? The act of ceasing to exist, to continue? Voidstar's death had been the end of a trialing time. Longshadow had hated the dark tom; to admit it openly would probably raise more questions than he wanted to answer - so he kept it to himself, like he did most things. Though the memory of the large cat still haunted him, for all the tortures he had caused couldn't be unfelt in a thousand moons. Dreamfeather - no - Dreamstar had always been under his influence just enough to be kept apart from the lanky black warrior. She'd come to mean so much to him that the leader doing so was like ripping his beating heart from his chest. But, things had come full circle. Longshadow didn't follow Starclan, if they watched over him he was flattered, but not once had he looked to them back. So if Voidstar was there, somewhere in that cold sky it's where he belonged; a place the warrior would never have to acknowledge him again.

Now, other matters were at hand. Like the she-cat he loved leading an entire clan. He had his fears; would she make time for him? Would her duties once more tear a hole in the delicate fabric of their lives which they'd tried so hard to sow together? He shook his head. No matter what happened he would always support her, the black tom had always been willing to put her happiness first. And call it a hope - frail and distant as it was - maybe... it would be easier for them. With nothing to tell them no, anything could happen.

He was curled in his den, towards the very back in the shadows to which he blended perfectly. The hole was placed out of the way and somewhat on the side of the gnarled tree. It had been unwanted when he'd looked for place to call his own after his warrior ceremony, and since he'd never tried to nest anywhere different. It was away from the traffic of the other hollows, and generally quiet. Not that he spent many nights there; his mind was as restless as leaves in a storm, constantly moving. The memory of meeting the silver Bengal in the fen for the first time sent shivers of ecstasy down his spine. He'd relish that moonlit scene forever. The familiar urge to trace the stripes of her coat made him sigh, her brilliance lingering in his mind's eye with longing. Before her the world was just a lying, pointless place that offered nothing except seclusion and disenchantment. He'd been ordered to guard that leeching loner queen - her name long forgotten - with who but the clan deputy herself. His whisker's twitched as he recalled bad mouthing Voidstar even then to her, yet she wouldn't have a moment of it. Something about that bold defiance sparked his interest, and without much of a choice his very soul had been consumed by the blue fires of her inferno.

Longshadow lifted his head as claws scraped the worn bark of the trunk just outside. His lips pulled back in a snarl at the disturbance of his nostalgia, only relaxing when a familiar scent wafted into the den. Could it be? His clover eyes looked expectantly toward the opening, searching for the first flash of her short silver pelt. Suddenly a form blocked the light filtering in, the lean silhouette casting him in even darker shadow. Only his eyes gleamed in the dark. After all this time he still noted every detail about her - the way her tone changed, her body language. She seemed...wary? Concern flared in his chest although his face remained expressionless. He'd never been big on showing emotion, even if she couldn't have seen it in the darkness. The warrior let a moment draw out before replying, "Of course." The tomcat would never deny a chance to be in her presence. Slowly unfurling into a stretch, the wooden ceiling barely hovered a mouse-tail above his head. Calmly padding to the edge of the entrance, he jumped down gracefully, long tail streaming behind him. The setting sun burned his unadjusted eyes, causing him to blink against the sudden brightness. Out in the open, one could see the cat was tall. His lanky build was packed with lean muscles that were canvased by a pure ebony pelt. From his tail tip to nose, there wasn't even a hint of color. It was as if the warrior was the very embodiment of night. Looking down at the beautiful she-cat, his tail-tip flicked in the fen's direction. "Shall we?"

[dawn]

YOU CAN CALM ME DOWN I CAN'T SAY WHY

Dreamstar relaxed a little as she heard the answering, "Of course". Her tailtip twitched irritably. Who is he to say no to me anyway? She thought to herself, trying to work up some bravado. I'm the leader. He can't say no to my invitation! She had a feeling that the same hierarchy rules that applied to the rest of her clan didn't quite apply with Longshadow, but it was still a nice thought. How nice it would be to have every detail under complete control, not to have to worry about anything spinning out of her grasp. Voidstar never would have been that controlling. He wouldn't have worried about it. She wished that she could be so relaxed. Perhaps, with time. Besides, I am not Voidstar. 

Dreamstar raised to her full height next to the tall warrior, feeling her muscles groan in relief as she raised from the crouch she had fallen into. Both cats were tall and lean bodied, alike in stature. Longshadow was aptly named, for his long legs, but she wasn't too short herself, and was barely shorter and stockier than he. The silver cat carried a bit more muscle that he lacked, as well. 

Dreamstar took the lead, though not by much, deciding to let the tom know that she was setting the pace. "Things are so different now, aren't they? Everything is changing." She enjoyed the cool moist ground on her feet, glancing at Longshadow now and then to admire how his pelt blended with the growing shadows, alit here and there when they passed through a patch of golden sun. "I feel so different now," she murmured, half to herself, alluding to her leadership ceremony, remembering that she wasn't supposed to talk about it. 

"I miss you. Voidstar's den is so lonely. But I guess I shouldn't call that anymore, should I? It's my den now," she rambled, still in the odd place in her leadership where her confidence was slowly being built up. "Voidstar is gone..." She trailed off awkwardly, then abruptly said, "So what have you been up to lately?"

words 348 tagged longshadow only notes blerp well here it is  listening to the mix i made for them <3

[aero]

Out of the corner of his glinting eye, the tomcat couldn't help but admire her physic. Somehow he'd never been bothered by her rivaling him in height, nor his strength. She was a beautiful creature, the way her powerful muscles rippled under her sleek coat. Certainly a prime specimen of their species, Longshadow could never say the same about himself. He was tall and lanky, and sure his speed wasn't anything to sniff at - but he wasn't the fastest cat in the forest, and certainly not the strongest because of it. That fact had always played a huge part in his jealousy of his brother; the white tom had been broad and stocky, even with a bad leg able to put up far more than a fair fight. What he lacked lowered his self esteem, and if pointed out had excruciating effects on his feelings. But Dreamstar had never seemed to care that he wasn't perfect. Just like he never seemed to care that she was. He wasn't surprised that she was taking charge even in what the pace of their walk should be; it even slightly amused him though his face held no sign of it.

"Things are so different now, aren't they? Everything is changing." What could he say? What should he say? The black cat's mind raced with all his options. He didn't want anymore distance between them than there needed to be. "Voidstar wasn't going to live forever." He shrugged, keeping his eyes on the marsh ahead. Longshadow was aware of her glances, they warmed his pelt like flashes of sunlight, but he didn't shift his focus to meet them quite yet.   "I feel so different now," Silence. "I miss you. Voidstar's den is so lonely. But I guess I shouldn't call that anymore, should I? It's my den now," Finally he couldn't take it, the tom had to see what lay in the deep pools of her blue eyes. His own clover gaze was hard, virtually unreadable as always, but something about them seemed compelling. It could be mine, too. He desperately wanted to blurt. "Voidstar is gone..." "He is gone, isn't he." It was more of a statement than a question, and was that a hint of resentment in his voice? "I...I miss you too." Why couldn't say more? His tail-tip flicked in frustration. This wasn't the time for him to hold back! She probably thought he was just acting callous on purpose.

The ground under-paw was begging to turn muddy, yellow grasses of the fen begging to rise well above even his head. They were thrown in a cold shadow, though the air was warm. He decided then to veer off of the path the she-cat had seemingly set for them, abruptly cutting over toward a more rocky trail. He threw a look over his shoulder, hoping the leader would follow and not be stubborn. His black whiskers twitched. She was his leader, now, wasn't she? How strange the thought, that even if they were never to be together - forbid that happen - she would still have control over his life?

 

How could he say that.

She would always have control over his life, no matter what happened. She was his life. "So what have you been up to lately?" Longshadow sighed. "The same thing I'm always up to, Dreamstar. Tirelessly thinking of you." He didn't care how she received it. The warrior's heart was on edge every minute of every day, and it was as thrilling as it was painful. Could they ever just make the final leap?

[dreamstar ★]

"It sucks that he's gone. Now I have to make all of the hard decisions by myself," Dreamstar murmured, thinking of how hard her leadership had been for the first few moons. "I'm not as good at this as I thought I would be." Her doubt showed on her face, and she stopped for a moment when he did, looking at her paws with shoulders wearily slumped. Being leader wasn't exactly the power trip she had thought it would be. It had made her realize how long she would live, and how lonely it could be. She didn't know it they were dreams from Starclan, or just dreams, but sometimes Voidstar visited her in his old den. His scent was musty there. She hated seeing the stray black fur when she went to fall asleep. She wasn't sure what had her so down and impatient with the conversation, perhaps it was how little her partner had responded. "I worry that I'm not a good enough leader, at times. Perhaps Tempestclan could have benefited from someone more knowing, more wise. I feel like I don't know anything!" 


The silver she-cat sighed in frustration, finally looking up at Longshadow. She couldn't manage a chuckle at his comment: "tirelessly thinking of you". "I'm tired of this confusing, complicated thing we've got going on, Longshadow. Talking in riddles and all that. Too much of my life is complicated already, and becoming leader hasn't made anything simpler." She flicked her ears, feeling embarrassed by her abrasiveness. "I'm sorry to be so blunt. But I don't want anyone to interrupt me this time. I asked you to come out here with me because I wanted to ask you if you would be my mate. Stay with me, in my new den. No more secrets." Dreamstar frowned, wishing she could have said it more eloquently. Before he could answer her, she said hastily, "I don't know about kits yet. Things are... too hectic right now. I've got patrols, and you've got an apprentice, and all of this to sort out. So, nothing like that now." Dreamstar curled her tail about her paws and finally fell silent, awaiting his reply. So much for being less abrasive.

[➽ longshadow]

"It sucks that he's gone. Now I have to make all of the hard decisions by myself," It was torture, having to hear the dismay in her voice; see the doubt flicker across her flawless face. "I'm not as good at this as I thought I would be." That angular, angelic, beautiful face. It was agony for the dark tom - watching such a strong, ambitious cat cut herself down. "No," His meow was loud and firm, if not completely commanding. "You don't have to do anything alone. How could you say all these things?" The warrior angrily turned on the silver Bengal, standing tall in her path. "I worry that I'm not a good enough leader, at times. Perhaps Tempestclan could have benefited from someone more knowing, more wise. I feel like I don't know anything!"  "More knowing? More wise? Dreamstar, you've always had the clan groveling at your feet! There has never been a moment I've not seen you take control of a situation effortlessly, there isn't a cat in Tempestclan who wouldn't die for you - and its been that way since you were appointed deputy! Even before that..." His head dipped to slide under her chin and nuzzle her neck passionately. "And if you ever feel alone, I'll be there. Always." Longshadow felt exhausted from all the words that had spilled from his mouth. He thought they would never end, and he'd be babbling into the night forever. But none were said with anything but the truth. Dreamstar had been a formidable deputy, recognized by all to be that of power and ambition. The black cat couldn't understand why she was doubting herself now. Had Voidstar somehow gotten into her head before he died? Or worse, after?

"I'm tired of this confusing, complicated thing we've got going on, Longshadow. Talking in riddles and all that. Too much of my life is complicated already, and becoming leader hasn't made anything simpler." He cringed slightly at the she-cat's harsh words, ears flattening at the dismissive way she talked about their relationship. Too complicated? Did that mean...she wanted it to be done? The tom instantly began to regret the things he had just said, and the way he had opened up, if this is what it got him. "I'm sorry to be so blunt. But I don't want anyone to interrupt me this time. I asked you to come out here with me because I wanted to ask you if you would be my mate. Stay with me, in my new den. No more secrets." There was silence, the tom's facial expression dumbfounded. "I don't know about kits yet. Things are... too hectic right now. I've got patrols, and you've got an apprentice, and all of this to sort out. So, nothing like that now." Was this even really happening? Longshadow glanced at the tell yellow grass whispering around them, the darkening sky, the wet ground under paw. A light breeze ruffled his short coat, and the loud croaking of frogs was more apparent than ever. It looked real. It felt real. It couldn't be just some sick dream, could it? He shook his head. That would be too cruel, even for his own mind. The she-cat he loved more than he loved himself was really asking to be his mate.

His heartbeat drummed as joy tickled his stomach. "I thought you would never ask." The warrior purred, a rare occurrence for the tom. He hesitated before giving his mate a swift lick on the forehead. "I-I understand." He stuttered, eyes widening at the mention of kits. Nothing like that right now. Her words echoed in his head. That meant eventually...they could! His long black tail raised behind him like a beacon of happiness. Kits! Beautiful bundles that mirrored the gorgeous she-cat before him, that he could call his. How many moons had he thought about a family with Dreamstar? Countless. And now it was all possible.  The lanky tom moved to stand beside her, pressing his black flank against her silver and striped one. How had he gotten so lucky?

[dreamstar ★]

dreamstar stared at longshadow, surprised by his sudden anger. "i wouldn't exactly say... groveling..." the leader half-smiled at his praise. "most of the time, i can't even keep my damned apprentice in check. that doesn't exactly make me sound like a good leader, now does it? not even good enough to train my fourth apprentice." it was true, she had struggled to keep the rude little she-cat in order, and there had been more problems as well among her clanmates. she didn't know how voidstar had done it and been such a good teacher to her. it seemed that several times a moon warriors would get into squabbles over fresh-kill. she was at the point where she just wanted to shred their ears and give up her nine-lives for the simple life of a warrior again. but she knew it was a dishonorable thing to think, let alone say, so she kept it to herself. dreamstar was not dishonorable. 

her silver fur warmed as longshadow nuzzled her, and she leaned back against him, suddenly feeling like it was difficult to stay standing. "i'll be there. always." that made a pang in her heart. not if i'm not a good enough leader to keep tempestclan protected. after her admission, she watched him closely. he seemed... shocked? his black fur was ruffled and she took a chance and decided to brush up against his side, hoping it would lay flat again and he would be calmer. then, dreamstar laughed aloud as the tom licked her head, the fur standing up weirdly on her face. "i thought you would never ask" you and me both... "i've never seen you so upbeat," she grinned, realizing it had been a long time since she'd gotten to be too happy either. 

she wanted to question him more, now that she knew she could get forthright answers, but she held back. the happiness of the moment was enough for now. more than enough. "i'll do everything that i can to keep you, and our clan, safe from harm. even if i still wonder if this is really what i was destined to do." strange to have a cat she could call her mate, after countless lovers and moons of telling herself that being deputy, then being leader, was more important than love. 

[➽ longshadow]

"I wouldn't exactly say... groveling...most of the time, I can't even keep my damned apprentice in check. That doesn't exactly make me sound like a good leader, now does it? Not even good enough to train my fourth apprentice." Longshadow shot her a 'are you serious' glance. "You're complaining about apprentice issues...to me?" He meowed, a crooked grin accompanying an amused twitching of his whiskers. He laid a light tail-tip on her lean shoulder. "I can barely restrain myself from completely blinding Wolfpaw most of the time. No thanks to you," He growled, though the same crooked grin still played across his face. "I'm not even sure if I'll survive the rest of his training - I might bury myself for relief." It was good to let loose with a few lame jokes, he thought. As the beautiful she-cat pressed against him the warrior couldn't help but purr. This was how his life would be from now on, and he would savor every moment. He indeed did relax as she brushed against him, his fur lying flat. Longshadow chuckled softly at the weird arrangement of her fur - it was too cute not to. His clover green eyes stared hard in adoration at her face, and those deep blue oceans that held depths yet unexplored. Maybe - possibly - now that they could be together of those stubborn mysterious could unveiled.

"I've never seen you so upbeat," The lanky tom shuffled his paws in embarrassment. He was acting strange, for his standards. Usually he scowled and spat insults at those that were as lovesick as he; did she think it weak? Or worse...unattractive? He didn't want to come off as a soft-hearted fool. "I...uh.." He mumbled, clearing his throat and standing straighter. Inwardly the black cat cursed himself. "I'll do everything that I can to keep you, and our clan, safe from harm. Even if I still wonder if this is really what I was destined to do." Longshadow relaxed a bit, sighing softly. Would her duties consume her? A pang of sadness filled his heart as he pictured her stressed and distant, her responsibilities weighing her down unbearably. "And I'll do everything I can to keep you sane through all of it." He whispered solemnly, offering a weak smile. He loved her so much, was it even possible for his cold heart to feel so much emotion? She made the impossible possible, with her bewitching spells of beauty and complexity.

[dreamstar ★]

dreamstar smirked at her mate. "oh, quit your carrying on," she growled playfully, snagging her teeth on his ear for a moment. "it's good for you to have an apprentice! you can both learn things from each other." she rolled her eyes at him. "besides, tempestclan doesn't have as many older warriors as it used to. how would it look if i left a perfectly capable warrior like you without an apprentice?" she thought for a moment on the pair, wolfpaw and ivypaw. the two always seemed to have some snarky comment to throw at one or the other of them. "go back to your stupid mate," or some variant was a favorite, it seemed. though the night air wasn't overly cold, it still felt nice and reassuring to be pressed up against his side. where his slim build hadn't seemed to provide much protection before objectively, now it seemed to provide stability and safety. 

in response to his stuttering she beamed. "i like it," dreamstar mewed reassuringly, twining her tail with his. "you're the best." she looked up at the night sky, the fur on her forehead still sticking up. "i'm sorry i ever let... others, come between us. that won't happen again, i promise." she smiled, feeling a little dumb about the whole thing. she was acting like a young tom or something. "i hope that you'll be proud to be my mate."

[➽ longshadow]

"oh, quit your carrying on," He returned her playful growl as she nipped at his ear. There was a complete sense of freedom that had enveloped him, and it made him feel very...different. It was like living in a small crowded room your entire life and all of a sudden being picked up and dropped into a gigantic, empty space. There was so much room he wasn't sure what to do with it all, or what he could do with it. "it's good for you to have an apprentice! you can both learn things from each other." Averting his gaze as she scolded him about having an apprentice, Longshadow flicked his tail as if it were the wave of a hand. There was nothing he could learn from Wolfpaw except how short his patience really was! But her voice was calming and pleasant, so the black tomcat didn't interrupt her. "besides, tempestclan doesn't have as many older warriors as it used to. how would it look if i left a perfectly capable warrior like you without an apprentice?" As the silver she-cat mentioned him being an "older warrior" a shudder coursed through him. He didn't like to think he was of a dying era. That the young cats that seemed to annoy him from day to day were Tempestclan's future. There was a time when he had been considered the future... and now, with what seemed a blink of an eye, he was slowly but surely turning into the past.

The warrior lightly sighed, enjoying Dreamstar's closeness. He drew comfort and reassurance from her, and was grateful for it. Maybe, in time, they could make a little bit of the future too. That was enough. "It would look like I didn't want to be bothered!" He retorted, only half serious with his harsh tone. "i like it, you're the best." The tom wasn't the sort for soft compliments, but his heartbeat quickened as her tail entwined with his own, and her gentle words caressed his yearning ears. It was perfect. All so perfect. "i'm sorry i ever let... others, come between us. that won't happen again, i promise." Things seemed so good in this moment, Longshadow could hardly believe there had ever been troubles between them. A black tail tip brushed her mouth, "Hush. What's done is done. I...I believe you." "i hope that you'll be proud to be my mate." The tall tom smiled affectionately. "I already am, and always will be." There was an immense amount of conviction in those few words.